Heart break is one of the deepest, most intense feelings a person can experience. The sadness and longing can feel like too much to bear. Ultimately, grieving the end of a relationship may feel like the end of the world at first, but it does get better.
There are so many reasons relationships come to an end, and they’re not all terrible. Sometimes two people just fall out of love or know that, realistically, they can’t make it work right now. And, honestly, this type of break up is probably the worst. There may be no obvious reason why it’s not working anymore, and that can almost be harder to accept than something blatant like cheating.
Regardless of what way the relationship ended, there are ways to heal. There are ways to pick yourself back up, put on a smile, and continue on with life without feeling like it’s too much to bear.
Immediately after a break up when the feelings are fresh, take a lot of time for self care and self love. This doesn’t have to be in the form of bubble baths and aromatherapy (unless you want it to be). Tt can be anything that makes you feel whole.
Here’s a list of some different self care activities:
- Cook a new meal
- Drive to a new part of your town and walk around. Let yourself get lost
- Hike a new trail and keep your phone in your bag
- Visit an adoption center and play with the animals
- Apply to volunteer at a place whose mission statement fills you with hope
- Listen to a self help audiobook
- Try out new infused water recipes (stay hydrated, and be creative!)
- Journal about your idea of a perfect life and what you can do now to set you up
When you feel a surge of sadness, write about it. What does it feel like? Where do you notice it? Does moving your body help?
When you’re feeling anxious energy, move your body. Yoga is great for heart break. We store our feelings in our physical body (see here) and yoga’s deep stretching and intimate postures allows us to release this built up emotion. On the mat there are no judgements, no one is watching you. Feel free to cry it out on the mat (I know I have).
If you feel like you just need to get up and go, go. Grab whatever you need and go. Go for a walk or a run if you’re at home. If you’re at school or work, go walk around the building once or twice to get out that energy. If you have the time, do a high intensity workout and use every ounce of that energy to push you. Scream into a pillow. Do whatever you need to do to release that tension so it doesn’t store itself in your body.
After the initial pain starts to melt away, you may still feel some residual anxiety or sadness surrounding the loss (because that’s what it is, honestly). There are ways to turn that anxious energy into new opportunities that will leave you feeling fulfilled and grateful.
Here’s a few ways to utilize anxious energy:
- Write a list of 10 things you want to look into. Maybe you’ve thought about starting a blog or trying a new workout class. Maybe you want to research something related to your work that you haven’t made time for yet? Whatever interests you is perfect.
- When you’re feeling your energy rise, or feel like you’re thinking too much about your break up, look at your list, pick something, and go with it. Diving into a new topic can take our attention away from the current situation.
- Any time you feel this energy surfacing, go back to your list. Start a new project and work at it each day. Hopefully this is something you enjoy (bonus if you’ve been planning to try it for a while) and will distract you from what’s going on while also using the energy that has accumulated (bonus!).
Discover What It’s Like To Be Single Again
Take time to really be single. If you want to read more about that, see my last post here. Think about what being single means to you and what opportunities have been given to you now. Is there something you’ve always wondered about yourself but haven’t dedicated time to digging deeper into? Well, now’s a great time! Dive head first into self discovery. There are tons of resources on the internet, such as fun articles, academic articles, YouTube videos, podcasts, self help books, audiobooks, you name it and I’m sure there’s something.
Embrace The New Freedom
Once you move past the initial stages of heart break, you may notice a lightening in your body. You’re releasing the emotions that are weighing you down and do not serve you. Embrace all that you are on your own and all that you can become. Know that you have infinite ability to do all that you want to do. You are capable and you are enough. Believe that you do not need another person to tell you that you are good enough, because you simply are.
Maybe in time another person will come along that fits well into your life, but for now, focus on you and what makes you happy. Focus on what fills you and makes you feel whole.